This month, Welston’s Spring Fayre returned to the market square with all the usual hallmarks of a successful community event: sunshine, bunting, a faint smell of beer and at least one avoidable incident involving livestock.

The beer tasting tent proved especially popular this year. While many visitors approached the event with a refined appreciation for local ales and ciders, others appeared to interpret the phrase tasting session as a personal challenge. Matters deteriorated rapidly around the maypole where several dancers became tangled in the ribbons, one gentleman attempted to lead the accordion player in a conga, and at least three balloon animals emerged looking less like giraffes and more like maritime distress signals. The children, naturally, thought it marvellous.

Over at the petting zoo, the llamas maintained their annual tradition of judging the public harshly while periodically spitting at anyone who stroked against the grain. The reptile enclosure drew mixed reactions. A particularly affectionate python spent much of the afternoon attempting to investigate the nearby pen of merino guinea pigs, much to the horror of several parents and the visible delight of one boy who shouted, “swallow it whole.” Meanwhile, the giant stick insects divided opinion entirely into two camps: those fascinated by them and those backing away while making noises normally associated with overdoing the beer and cider.

The RNLI lifeguards once again proved enormously popular with younger visitors, allowing children to climb aboard their rescue craft for photographs and demonstrations. Things were slightly less successful over on Lanston Road, where a visiting steam engine rather inconveniently ran out of steam altogether and remained stranded for most of the afternoon like a beached walrus. Traffic diversions were hastily arranged while several spectators helpfully offered advice despite possessing no engineering knowledge whatsoever.

Music for the Fayre was provided by the Welston All Stars who, this year, performed during the afternoon rather than the evening. This sensible adjustment was made after organisers acknowledged that both the band’s banjoist and clarinettist now reside at Cosy Days Retirement Community and are generally preparing for bed shortly after Coronation Streetfinishes.

The day also featured a sponsored Knitathon. Some of the Yarn Bombers hoped to beat the world record for the longest scarf. Enthusiasm waned somewhat after Tandy Sweetcroft pointed out that the existing record belongs to a man whose scarf measured approximately fifteen thousand feet. This revelation was received by some with the sort of quiet devastation usually reserved for disappointing cricket scores. Undeterred, Tandy pressed on and ultimately won the individual competition by producing a scarf measuring two and a half feet over four hours — an achievement she described as “adequate.”

By sunset, the bunting sagged gently in the sea breeze, the final raffle prizes had been claimed and the recreation ground was littered with enough paper cups to suggest Welston had briefly hosted a small music festival rather than a village fayre. In other words, by local standards, the day was considered an overwhelming success.