Season’s Greetings!

You can tell it’s nearly Christmas in Welston when the fairy lights go up, the gulls start eyeing unattended pigs in blankets, and the residents of Cosy Days begin rehearsing their annual pantomime. This year’s masterpiece? Aladdin — a dazzling reimagining in which the magic lamp has been replaced by a Zimmer frame that needs a good polish.

The Welston Yarn Bombers are at it again, needles flashing for charity in their sponsored knitathon. Every inch of scarf, hat, and inexplicable tea cosy will go toward the Salvation Army’s winter appeal. I’d offer to join, but my last attempt at knitting was declared a “public safety concern” (a ruling I still contest).

Elsewhere, the Station will host its Christmas Eve Movie-a-thon — a nostalgic plunge into the eighties, when snow was guaranteed and Bruce Willis still had hair. Expect Die Hard, Gremlins, Scrooged, The Snowman, and Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Five pounds gets you all-you-can-eat popcorn, with a £1 corkage if you bring your own festive “spirit.” All proceeds go to Crisis, though the real crisis may be the hangovers on Christmas morning.

Not to be outdone, the annual Fancy Dress Singalong returns with a £50 M&S voucher for the best impersonation of any singer, alive or otherwise. Sunil Pohil remains the one to beat after last year’s hauntingly convincing Michael Bublé. Rumour has it his wife, Nargis, plans on entering as Mariah Carey.

And finally, Welston Market Square will once again play host to the much-loved (and occasionally feared) How Long Will Your Christmas Pudding Burn For? competition. The fire station commander has given his blessing — or at least stopped returning calls — so mark your calendars for the evening of December 23rd. Participants are advised to soak their puddings early and keep extinguishers handy.

In a world of glittering shopping centres and algorithm-approved adverts, it’s nice to live in a place where Christmas still smells of cinnamon, singed fruitcake, and community spirit.