Dearest Geraldine,

I’m in an ethical (and romantic) muddle.

I’ve invited a few friends for Christmas Eve drinks, including a colleague I’ve admired all year — we’ll call him Norman, to spare my blushes. He’s kind, witty, and has a way of discussing recycling targets that makes my knees weak.

Naturally, I hoped to find myself (quite by accident) under a sprig of mistletoe with him. But disaster has struck: the garden centre has sold out, and the supermarket only stocks mistletoe imported from who-knows-where. I can’t bring myself to buy something so unsustainable.

Across the road stands a handsome holly bush, its red berries gleaming. If I were to snip a small sprig and paint the berries white, would that count as an acceptable festive substitute? Or would faking the tradition doom any chance of romance?

Yours (hopefully soon to be kissed),

Eco Lover

Dear Eco Lover,

My dear, if a man’s affections hinge on a specific genus of semi-parasitic shrub, you may wish to redirect your energies toward composting instead.

Still, I admire your ingenuity. A painted sprig of holly shows initiative. If Norman can’t appreciate a woman who both recycles and improvises, he’s not worth your recycled prosecco corks. Hang it high, tie it with ribbon, and let him make the first move.

Should the evening end in a kiss, wonderful. If not, take comfort in knowing you’ve struck a blow for the planet andexposed a man who’s clearly not biodegradable.

Affectionately (and with a raised glass),

Geraldine